What’s the worst feeling for you?
For me, it is when you already tried your best but you still fucked it up at the end. Trusting people too much, too much that you compromised your own life/future. Realizing things when it is damn too late, trying to be a good person, sacrificing in the name of so-called “friendship” while at the end, when everything fails, you are the only one considered bad despite the things you did. How can I ever let this happened to myself? When will I ever learn?
I remember the day when my best friend warned me and said “You came here to work, not for friendship” – There’s a second meaning to that statement, she doesn’t mean not having friends, but telling me to be cautious and not putting myself into trouble just to satisfy someone, I ignored her, then just thought about it again when I am already drowned with my own mistakes. I tried everything, but no matter how much I tried to pull my legs to get up it is sucking me more like a quicksand.
I fucked up.
But then again, I paused for a while and took a deep breath… I need to pick up my own pieces of shit, stand up regain my strength. To learn from my bad decisions, be firm next time, saying “NO” is a MUST – if you really can’t, never be shy to let them down. You’ll both be saved from the consequences after.
To start from scratch is like looking for a needle in a haystack, especially when you are already on your mid 30s with kids. People might say “Goddamn! What have you done to your life?” Well, shut the fuck up! I already asked that myself before you! “What have I done to myself.? What have I done to my kids’ future?” To hell what other people might say or think, they don’t feed me and my kids, they only know how to criticize on someone else’s mistakes.
But it is what it is, things happened beyond our control. We just need to face the consequences of our actions, no matter what it is. No matter how hard it will be. I need to stand up, dust myself off, and start all over again, for I am a strong woman, for I am a Survivor.
I am rebooting in 3….2….1…..
Photos from Google Images