Starting All Over Again

What’s the worst feeling for you?

For me, it is when you already tried your best but you still fucked it up at the end. Trusting people too much, too much that you compromised your own life/future. Realizing things when it is damn too late, trying to be a good person, sacrificing in the name of so-called “friendship” while at the end, when everything fails, you are the only one considered bad despite the things you did. How can I ever let this happened to myself? When will I ever learn?

I remember the day when my best friend warned me and said “You came here to work, not for friendship” – There’s a second meaning to that statement, she doesn’t mean not having friends, but telling me to be cautious and not putting myself into trouble just to satisfy someone, I ignored her, then just thought about it again when I am already drowned with my own mistakes. I tried everything, but no matter how much I tried to pull my legs to get up it is sucking me more like a quicksand.

I fucked up.

But then again, I paused for a while and took a deep breath… I need to pick up my own pieces of shit, stand up regain my strength. To learn from my bad decisions, be firm next time, saying “NO” is a MUST – if you really can’t, never be shy to let them down. You’ll both be saved from the consequences after.

To start from scratch is like looking for a needle in a haystack, especially when you are already on your mid 30s with kids. People might say “Goddamn! What have you done to your life?” Well, shut the fuck up! I already asked that myself before you!  “What  have I done to myself.? What have I done to my kids’ future?” To hell what other people might say or think, they don’t feed me and my kids, they only know how to criticize on someone else’s mistakes.


But it is what it is, things happened beyond our control. We just need to face the consequences of our actions, no matter what it is. No matter how hard it will be. I need to stand up, dust myself off, and start all over again, for I am a strong woman, for I am a Survivor. 

I am rebooting in 3….2….1…..


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Photos from Google Images

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Stranded!

Recently I just posted on my social media a video of rain outside my house and how I miss it terribly, being in the Middle East for five years you’ll only experience rain once a year when its gonna change season from summer to winter and vice versa. 

But for 2 weeks now, it is constantly raining everyday without fail with typhoon signal to nearby provinces and storm forming after another. Hmmm, seems like the heaven gave me the rains that i missed for the past years LOL!

Kidding aside, today, me and my kids were travelling to the city for an appointment and to arrange some of my important documents. I am from the province and to get there we need to travel like 3 hours to reach the city, passing through the mountain roads, unfortunately, there’s a landslide so we were stuck here waiting for the concern department/help to clear the road. 

While writing this, the signal were on and off, photo not uploading and I don’t know if this will be publish on time too. Been here for almost 2 hours. For now, I’ll just enjoy the scenery for a while. 🤣🤣🤣

Take a Break, Breathe

Anyone, no matter what’s your life status, whoever the fuck you are, either you’re the richest man in the world or an average worker, needed a break once in a while… Not just to spend money or for leisure only , rather than to breathe and escape from the crazy world we are at.

We have different choices to release our stress, calm ourselves, meditate, unwind, freshen our mind, soul search, breathe… or whatever you wanna call it.

While some of us might choose to travel out of the country, shopping, visit historical places, road trips –  I choose to be near the ocean/nature, it calms me and my inner soul. The relaxing sound of the waves breaking on the shores, the humming of birds, and the fresh air blowing, seems like it is removing all the toxins from your body. These, are priceless, it’s worth doing every now and then, just to get back your mind to sanity, think properly and come out fresh again.

You? What’s your escape from reality? 

Photo and Video Credit: Diana Leigh